I had a little revelation this weekend. If I want to know where I stand in terms of my walk with God...in terms of my faith, I just need to ask myself...what do I withhold from Him? What do I cling to....and squeeze hold of tighter when I feel as though it might be taken away? The less I can name, the deeper my faith...the stronger my commitment. As I considered this, it brought to mind the story of Abraham and Isaac (Genesis 22:1-19). God tested Abraham, asking for his son...his only son. And not just asking for Abraham to give him up...but to kill him. That's a serious test.
And here I am...failing the test over and over....and all God asks for is my time (time spent being patient with the older lady driving in front of me), my money (giving that $5 to the homeless man begging on the corner instead of having that hamburger I had been looking forward to all morning), my energy (helping my wife fold the laundry instead of watching the last quarter of the big game), my prayers (lifting up this person struggling with cancer or the other person struggling with depression instead of asking only for strength for myself)...
Why do I cling so tightly? It is all His after all. Whatever I have, it is only because He has given it. That I have come to cherish my time, my money, my energy, etc. is only because He has allowed me to experience and control these things. One word and they could all disappear. And if I knew that...and really believed that...then wouldn't it change how I approach these things? Shouldn't it?
Father, please take my time...I return it to you. Whatever You would have me do today...make it happen. Let me accept every delay, every interruption, every intrusion into my agenda...into my schedule...as a divine appointment. Let me seek You in each moment...knowing You are there...knowing you brought me to that moment for a reason.
Father, please take my money...I return it to you. Whatever you would have me "spend" it on...to whomever you want me to give it...make it happen. Let me be content with what I have, and not seek something bigger or better or cooler. Open my eyes to the need You see and show me how to help. Let me recognize that each dollar I spend is Your dollar, and that You will want an account of how I spent it....and then remind me of how difficult it will be to be faced with hunger and homelessness and justify why I needed that new suit.
Father, please take my energy...I return it to you. Whatever you would have me apply myself to...make it happen. Remove the sense of urgency I create by stacking up this list of things I "have" to do. Give me clarity to recognize what must be done...on Your list. Push me out of my complacency and laziness. Kindle in me a fire for Your work, a passion for Your will. Fill me with eagerness for Your projects...not mine.
Father, I want to give You everything...even though I don't know what that will require of me. Help me to not withhold anything from you: Not my agenda, not my desires, not my toys, not my job, not my life...and not the life of my loved ones. Change me, Father, so that whatever You ask...whatever You require...I will obey...I will let go. This is my heart's cry, Father...that You would measure me, and find that I am not wanting for anything...but more of you.
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