Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Just Love

This may sound weird, but lately I've been frustrated with how much time I spend in my own head. When I was beginning to pray this morning I found myself telling God that I just wish I could hear Him say that He loved me...just as I am...and that I don't need to keep being anxious about what I am doing that I shouldn't or not doing that I should. I mean I really overanalyze everything. Even this morning...as soon as I knelt down, I felt bad that a part of me wanted to hurry up and get this over with so I could get started on all the things I have to do today. Why can't I be excited and anticipate this time with just me and God? So often I feel like I am only paying lip service to this relationship that I say I value so highly. I talk about my love for God, but then so often I fall short not because I failed, but because I didn't try. And to be honest...all this thinking and analyzing is draining...and breeds a sense of hopelessness.

But thankfully, God hears me...even if I don't hear Him. And so no sooner do I form these thoughts this morning, when a new one comes to the forefront of my mind. Just love. It was a bit more than that, but the bottom line was that simple. Just love. I can get out of my head...if I just love. The call of Jesus is simple...until we complicate it. In each moment, as I begin each task, or each interaction, or each activity....I just need to ask myself how do I go forward with love. How do I do X or Y with love? How do I share love with this person or these people? And then...whatever answer I come up with...I do. Maybe it won't be right...or maybe it won't work out as I expect. But if my goal is to just love, how wrong can I be? God will take care of steering me and convicting me. I don't need to try and take over His job...or the Holy Spirit's. All I have to do is just....love.

And I can do that. Because God already does love me. Just as I am...multitude of faults and all. He loves me. I am His child...His creation. And while He wants me to pay attention...to be cognizant of what I say and do...and how that affects others...He also wants me to stay balanced...to focus at least as much on the stuff going on outside of myself...on the people around me. God doesn't want me spending so much time looking inward...He wants me to focus on Him...and the Him in others. That's why Peter began to sink (when he walked on water); because He took his eyes off Christ and began to focus (and worry) about himself (Matthew 14:28-33). And that's exactly why Jesus made the connection between what we do for others...and what we do for Him (Matthew 25:31-40). That is how we love Him...by recognizing that He loves all of us. And so just as we are thankful when someone helps someone we love...especially when someone is kind or loving towards our child...God counts our kindnesses toward one another as if we were doing those things for Him.

And so it really is pretty simple I guess. I just need to not over think it. I need to stop expecting perfection (especially with the mountain of evidence to the contrary). I need to trust that God is greater than any misteps or mistakes I make....and that He will guide me. He will direct me. All I have to do....what it all boils down to...the simple plan I need for my life in order to get out of my own head is...to just love.