Move Me to Your "More"

You certainly can't read today's Gospel, and walk away feeling anything but conviction....at least I can't. Jesus doesn't hold back and leaves no ambiguity.

Much will be required of the person entrusted with much,
and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more.

Whatever I am doing, whatever good I manage to allow God to do through me, there is more. More that God wants to do in me and through me. More that He's already gifted me to do. And so it begs the question...what's my problem? Why am I not doing more? God has blessed me so abundantly. He has been so incredibly patient with me all these years as I rebelled and struggled and backslid and failed. He has always "believed" in me...and in who I can be. He knows my potential...because He created it...He wove it into me. But still...as wayward as I am...He continues to bless me...continues to call to me...continues to meet me the moment I turn back to Him...and away from sin. And yet...

I can do more...I can be more. I want to do more. I want to be more. All that is left is just doing it. I have to stop making all the excuses. I have to stop procrastinating. All I need to do is move...is begin...is take the first step. He will point the way, and open my eyes, and give me the strength I need. He'll do all the hard work. I just need to obey.

Just recently I watched "The Blind Side" again...and again I was moved by the simple obedience...the lack of hesitation Mrs. Tuohy demonstrated. She didn't analyze and plan and weigh the options and consider the consequences. She just acted. She saw the need in this one boy (Michael Oher)...and knew in her soul that she could help...that she should help...and so she did. It was that simple. And that was just one person helping one other person. What if we all obeyed God's promptings like that? All of His promptings? What if we all just "did" and didn't worry about ourselves? What if that is how I lived?

Father, forgive me for doing so little for so long. You have blessed me with so very much. You have continually poured out Your love on me...and I have hidden it under the bushel. Infuse me with Your Spirit...wipe away my laziness. Move me to the "More" You have for me. Let me see where I can share Your love. Open my eyes to how I can obey. Make my life about You...not about me. I know I am weak...but I also know that You are strong...and I am strong through You. Your Spirit has convicted me...now lead me in Your will. From this moment forward I want to live in Your More. Please hear me, Father...this is my heart's cry.

Nearer

Maybe because Christmas trees are already appearing in stores, or because I stumbled across a Christmas song while introducing my daughter to U2 and Frank Sinatra, but when I read today's reading from Paul, I was struck by the idea of God bringing us "nearer."

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off
have become near by the Blood of Christ.

What does this have to do with Christmas you may ask? Well for me, one of the big themes...one of the echos in my soul at Christmas time...is that God Came Near....God is with Us. Such a magnanimous gesture...that our Creator humbled Himself, and came closer to us...He lowered Himself to be closer to us. And now I see...not only did He lower Himself, but He also lifted us up. He drew us closer to Him. And what really strikes me...is how He is doing all the work. Moving us to Him...Him coming closer to us. I mean how much greater of a demonstration of His love for us do we need? How much more evidence do we need...do I need...to understand that God wants me...desires me...appreciates me...loves me...just as I am. We are infinitely valuable to Him...despite our sin...despite our stubbornness...despite our rebellion. God loves us. He will move Heaven and Earth...and even Himself for our sake. Think about it! He asks so little of us...and yet with just a little bit of effort on our part...we move infinitely nearer...to Him.

Enamored

Today I felt a familiar sting in Paul's letter to Timothy: Do not be enamored by the present world. It stings because I know I'm guilty of it. I am enamored with this world. I cling to it...I hold on to it....and the thought of leaving it scares me to death (almost).

But my attachment to this world is not about material things...as I expect many interpret Paul's warning. I mean sure I love technology and gadgets as much as the next guy (I could go on and on about my iPad), and I don't pretend that I wouldn't throw a mild tantrum if for some reason I had to give away my iPad or flatscreen TV or car. But I honestly think I could do it if necessary. I mean as cool as all this stuff is...I recognize it's really of little significance in the grand scheme (as I think George Carlin brilliantly (if irreverently) demonstrated). And the same goes for money. I appreciate money...I like having it...I try to be a good steward of it...but I don't think about it too much. I certainly don't worry about it (though obviously much of that is because of the goodness and blessings God has bestowed on me and my family).

No...I am attached to this world...or "enamored" with it at a deeper, and I think more serious, level. I think I see it most clearly when I think about dying. The simple truth is...I don't want to die. I mean I am sure most people don't WANT to die, but as a Christian, shouldn't I be looking forward to (maybe even longing) for the day when I am united with Jesus in Heaven...when I leave this broken world and return home? But if I'm honest, I have to admit I'm really not looking forward to that at all. (Forgive me, Jesus.)

And it's not that I don't want to have an intimate relationship with my Savior...I do...and hopefully I am pursuing that every day. It's also not that I am concerned with how I am going to die...or that I am worried about whether I will get to go to Heaven when I do die. No...it's really more about when am I going to die...and I guess partly...what happens after we die. [Just thinking about this last issue brings me to the brink of what I imagine would be a panic attack if I let it...my chest hurts...its hard to breath....my heart is racing...]

I realized awhile ago (because I've been dealing with this for a long time)...that this desperate attachment I have to this life...to my life...is rooted in my unwillingness to let go of this life. I don't want to die because I have plans. I have things I want to do. There are people here that I believe need me...and they need me here.

When I really think about it, I see that at some place below the surface of my soul, I am unwilling to accept and believe with my heart (not just my mind) that my plans are nothing compared to God's plans...and that I can't begin to realize the first part of any plan without God's help....and that despite how important I like to think I am, there is no need that anyone has (including those of my wife and daughter), that God can not meet either with or without me, and certainly infinitely better than I can. And when I look at it that way, my "love" of this world is really just pride and arrogance.

But it isn't just that, because I also worry about what Heaven will be like. What will we do all "day?" What will we be? To be honest, some of the images of Heaven and eternity that are out there are a bit...unsettling. Is eternity all about harps and church services all day? Are we absorbed into God in such a way that we lose who we are as individuals? Or is it more the way C.S. Lewis describes it...a world not unlike our current one, but more real. (Oh how I hope it is the latter.)

And still if I push further, all of this...all of my pride and fear boil down to me being worried about me. Despite all my failings, all my sinfulness, all my issues...I don't want to lose "me." And that, I'm afraid, is maybe the more dangerous kind of world-enamor, because at the core of loving this world...of worrying about yourself...is not believing or trusting God.


So here I am...all self-analyzed with he curtain of my soul pulled back. And once again I am confronted with the simplicity of the fix.

If I just believe (not just intellectually, but emotionally and spiritually believe) that God is in control, that He does love me, that He made me, that His Son rose from the dead, that Jesus has gone to prepare a place for me...if I believe all these things (and all the other promises in the Bible)...and I mean really believe them...then I can live life with open hands...letting God put in them whatever He wants me to have and also letting Him take whatever He knows I no longer need. If I really just believed all the things Christ died to tell me, then I would be enamored with Him instead of this world. And if I really was enamored with Him...then my eternal life would begin right now...and Heaven would be here on Earth.