United, Stirred, and Good Enough for Jesus

I found a little something in all three Scripture readings today. First, in Paul's letter to the Ephesians, he reminds me of our connectedness. Wherever we go...when we are among others who believe and declare Jesus as God's Son and trust in Him for their forgiveness and salvation...these are our brothers and sisters. We are connected in a way that surpasses blood relationships. Our very essence...our spirits...are connected and interwoven and united. And so while it can be challenging for someone more introverted like me to feel comfortable in a new group of people, I need to remember that when I am among believers, I am at home...I am safe. No place else will God's spirit reach me as openly and effectively as among His children. He can move most freely among His people...and so I should not go reluctant or hesitant because of new faces...but rather eager because of God's presence.

The second reading...the Responsorial Psalm...just stirred me with its poetic imagery. I love the picture of the fullness of Creation forever resounding with praise to God...always echoing for us His Love and Grace and Mercy.

Day pours out the word to day,
and night to night imparts knowledge.

But I must admit the original Psalm itself is even more moving in its depiction of Nature forever whispering the Love and Majesty of Our God.

The heavens declare the glory of God; the sky proclaims its builder's craft.
One day to the next conveys that message; one night to the next imparts that knowledge.
There is no word or sound; no voice is heard;
Yet their report goes forth through all the earth, their message, to the ends of the world. Psalm 19:2-5

Though there is no audible word or perceivable sound, God's Truth reverberates through all Creation...through us....into us. Despite so many denying that Truth...or so polluted that they can't feel it...it touches us all. God's constant reminder that He is in control, that He loves us, and that all is His.

The third reading is a lesson in decision making...one I still struggle to apply. The time has come for Jesus to choose the 12. It doesn't say how many disciples he had at that point to choose from, but regardless, Jesus obviously needed to discern who the 12 would be. And so despite His "natural" gifts of wisdom and intelligence, despite the gut feeling He probably had, He refused to make a decision without praying first. Once more, He didn't throw up a quick prayer, "Father, guide my decision. Amen." and then simply act on his own instincts. No, Jesus sought the Father. He prayed...and waited on God for a response. He prayed fervently I am sure...but also patiently. He prayed all night. Can you imagine...working all day, knowing you have a big decision coming up, feeling its weight on you, and then getting to the end of your day and deciding not to get some rest...not to sleep, but instead pray...and pray all night...because it is THAT important.

Jesus refused to move...to take a step...until He knew what God wanted. I don't know how much clearer God can be in laying out how we are...and how I am...to make decisions. Seek Him...seek His will...find out His desire...search out His plan. And then...only then...do I move. I find it really difficult sometimes...many times...just waiting. I want to make a decision...especially a big decision...and have it done. Of course I do my research...analyze the situation...think about it nearly non-stop. I generally am not rash in my decisions. (Many would say I over analyze things.) The problem is...that once I feel like I have an answer...I want to move forward. So waiting on God...waiting on the definitive yeah-that's-what-God-wants feeling...it is a real challenge for me. Or sometimes it is the opposite. The decision is so big with so many potential consequences....that I keep waiting...ignoring that sense inside of me telling me that I already know the answer....and instead apparently waiting for some miraculous vision or a direct message from one of God's Angels. I am so afraid of making a misstep that I don't move at all. Either way...perhaps if I simply committed to prayer...and continued praying until I had an answer...making these big decisions would be less stressful...and more faith building. After all, if it was good enough...and important enough...for Jesus, then it is certainly good enough for me.

I Knew It

I knew I would meet God this morning. I was a jerk yesterday...lost my temper...and said some things I should not have said. Of course I knew not 10 seconds after the words came out of my mouth that I was wrong. Dead wrong. And though I knew it would be awhile before I would have a chance to make amends to this person I love, I knew God would meet me this morning...in Scripture. I knew He would be waiting there to reaffirm the truth that I needed...to cement the lesson I learned (and obviously still need to learn) this time. And of course he did:

Be kind to one another, compassionate,
forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.
Be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love,
as Christ loved us and handed himself over for us
as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma. Eph 4:32–5:2

It doesn't take much to realize that selfishly railing about one's own plans and desires doesn't equate with being kind, compassionate, or imitating Christ. So I knew what I had to admit...again.

Yup...I screwed up, God. But what is new, right? I wish I could understand how I can be so focused on You, Father, at one point in my day...or may even just hours or minutes before...and then so quickly forsake it all for the sake of my "self." It seems to happen so suddenly...I become vehement about what I think I need or want...and feel it is my right...or that I deserve it. And before I know it...I am lashing out at whoever or whatever is in the way of me getting what I "need" or want. And it always starts with a seemingly innocent thought or action...either mine or someone else's. It's crazy to think how many things are said or done that simply move through my mind like the ticker tape. Most don't linger...but for some reason...sometimes...something catches or drags in the forefront of my mind. But even then, I imagine if I stopped there and looked to You...said a prayer...asked for Your help...offered this thought/action to You...then maybe it would be over before anything began. But too often I don't do that. I start to think about what was said or done (or what wasn't said or done). And inevitably my first concern is how that affects me. That is when the trouble begins. Why did he/she say/do that? Didn't they consider how I would feel? Did they say/do that on purpose? Why am I always the one people say/do this to? And the list goes on. Talk about your slippery slope! As soon as I give just one of those questions a moment of thought...it seems as though they all are entertained at once...and I start to feel hurt or angry or bitter or all of these or something else. Once that happens, fight or flight kicks in...and I start to defend myself...to take what should be mine ("respect," "consideration," "freedom," "an apology," whatever). From that point on, I am no longer thinking about anyone else but me.

I can imagine, Father, that if it wasn't for the pain these tantrums cause, You might just chuckle at them when they happen. It must be quite a sight to see this creation of Yours so totally dependent on You...so obviously not in control of almost anything...flailing and swinging at the world trying to demand his/her "rights" or to get his/her "needs" met. And all this despite the fact that this creation knows (at least most of the time) that You are the source of everything...that You love him/her...and that You gladly and abundantly supply all that he/she needs. What a sad display it must be when I try to take control of meeting my needs and obtaining my wants...so futile and so clearly backwards.

But the joy, Father, is that despite these continual failings on my part...You provide the way out of my self...the way back to You. First, You remind me of the reason for needing to abandon myself: "Christ loved us and handed himself over for us [me] as a sacrificial offering...." We were saved at a great cost. You love us so much, that You didn't think twice about doing whatever it would take. You loved...and so we live.

Second, You pick me up...lift me up...out of myself. You have already forgiven me by the time the request reaches my lips. And not only do You forgive, but You saved me from the eternal consequences of my sin.

You are merciful....You are compassionate...You are Good. You humbled Yourself...for my sake. You endured unspeakable humiliations and deprivations...for my sake. You allowed Yourself....Your Son...to be tortured...abused...spit upon...degraded...for my sake. How did You do it, Jesus? How did You restrain Yourself from wiping out all those who dare hurt You...who dare deny that You are God's Son? Surely You could have destroyed them all...and who among us would have blamed You? But that is why Your ways are not our ways.

I can only imagine You did it...You endured all for our sake...not by focusing on Yourself....but by focusing on others...by focusing on Your/Our Father. You decided to serve...rather than be serve. You decided to put us first....rather than demand that You be first (as You most assuredly deserve). You crucified Your own flesh, long before the first nail ever pierced You. And I guess that is what I have to do. I have to be like You. As best I can...in each situation I have to remember...that You endured far worse...You humbled Yourself far more...and so who am I to demand my "rights." Yup...that's what I need to do. That is what I should have done. I knew it!

Worthy of the Call

...lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called...Ephesians 4:1-6

This is Paul's halftime speech. This is his locker room motivation. He's begging...he's pleading with us...just live a life that is worthy of our call. He's not asking us to change the whole world. He isn't asking us to proselytize everyone on the street. He isn't asking us to sell all our worldly possessions and join a monastery. All he is asking is that we live what we believe. That we live our lives as Christians in such a way that we honor that name...the name of Christ Jesus.

God paid everything to save us. He didn't even withhold His Son...His Divinity from us. He entered our dirt and filth and sin...subjected himself to the worst of us...allowed us to place our most vile evilness on Him...and even descended into Hell...all for the sake of saving us...of making a way for us to return to Paradise.

And so when He calls us to our jobs and professions, to our marriages, to our children, to our Churches, to our neighborhoods and communities, to our world...Paul begs us to remember the price God paid...and to live a life worthy of that. We'll never be perfect. But no coach expects his team to be perfect. The expectation, I think, is that we pursue perfection. We strive to be our best...each moment...everytime. That is what I think Paul is saying. Remember you were bought at a price. Remember that you bear His name. Remember that you are God's child. And act like it. Act in a way that will honor Him....that will make Him proud.

Father, I know that so often I fall short. So many times I emerge from a situation and am convicted by what I should have done or should have said. But I ask that You continue to transform me...continue to erase the evil in me...the dirt I have let build up, and fill me with Your Spirit...with Your fruit...that I may share it with those around me. Help me to live the life You have for me...the life You desire for me. Don't let me compromise or take a shortcut. I want to live for you...I want to live out loud for you. I am so thankful for this life You have given me...for your constant blessings. I want to live boldly for You...without fear...completely abandoned to You and Your will. Help me, Father. I can't do it without You. Make me like Your Son...and through Him...make me worthy of Your call. On my own I will always fall short. But with You, through You, In You...I am worthy.

All praise be Yours...forever and ever.